December 26, 2008

A public apology

If you’re actually reading my blog for the fun of reading it, or to see how Cody is doing (which is like what? Five people on a good month? :-P) You know that I can get extremely vicious if you offend me, and often worse if I think you’re doin’ it wrong.

Ur Doin It Wrong

Sometimes I need to take a step back and just remember that we’re all working towards the same goal. A couple months ago I was offended that Rose’ grandma said I couldn’t take communion when I was in Michigan. It offended me for several reasons one being “How dare she say I’m not a Christian?” and the other big thing that I aimed more at the whole of the Lutheran religion. Where I like to be the kind of person where you warn people, you tell them the consequences and then you let them make their own choices… er… Most Lutheran churches don’t share my views on that… And I kind of ripped their heads off for so simple a thing as a lifestyle preference… Not saying that freedom is a small thing, I tend to go overboard with it though. Christ came to set us free, and I sort of have the “Live free or die” attitude, it’s just that when I see freedoms being stripped away, I like to start killing instead of dying :-P

Rose’ Uncle Mathew called me out on it, and I’m thankful. Sometimes I need to be put into check…

I’m sorry for the harsh words that flew from my fingers on here. However I won’t be taking the post down, sorry Uncle Mathew I can’t. A couple of reasons for that A) this is my one and last stand I won’t be leaving it behind like I have so many others (Some other blogs I used to use as a more personal journal I’d leave behind when I’d get fired from jobs for what was in my blog, or whatever else, that won’t happen with this one). B) I don’t hide sins or mistakes in my life, people are more than welcome to see what a nutcase I am and decide for themselves whether they can stand me or not… I have nothing to hide. C) I won’t get paid for last months work if I remove that post.

November 6, 2008

What’s it all for?

I was recently posed with a very interesting question. I was listening to a man talk about body builders, with all their strength, and muscles bulging out of every crevice of their body… but he wondered something that maybe we should all wonder every once in a while; what’s it all for? I’ve wondered that for a long time though, not just about body building, but we tend to be a people (And I’m talking about all people from all over the world, and all through out time) of excess. Now I know Bill Gates is a rarity with his open philanthropy but there is a certain point in time when wealth building reaches a point of senselessness doesn’t it? What does anyone need all that money, all that influence, all that stuff for? There’s no way that any of them can enjoy all that money within their lifetime, there’s no way they can use all the stuff that they’ve accumulated. So at the worlds strongest man contests they have men lifting cars, pulling fire trucks, throwing telephone poles, and doing all sorts of incredible things… but when’s the last time you heard on the news about one of these men being in the right place at the right time able to pull the firetruck out of harms way before something terrible happened? How often do you hear about some big and buff dude who single handedly lifts a Volkswagen Bug off of a trapped child? Or when’s the last time you saw a guy putting telephone poles into the ground by your house without a hoist?

All the power in the world is powerless if you don’t put it to use. The truth of the matter is that we are powerful, we are all powerful in extraordinary ways, and none of us are using that power to its full potential. The strength of man never sees its full potential alone, it only sees even a glimpse of just how strong we can be when we’re all working together. Like what Paul was talking about when he said that the church is like the body, it is made up of several parts, but unlike the body these parts like to squabble and whine. Together we could move mountains, but alone I’m afraid that the stone by stone walk back and forth would kill us. But also as we are all made to walk together in faith, so we are all also made to function differently. Every man should find his niche in life, and not complain or get greedy when he sees another man who earns more money, drives a faster car, or has a better retirement plan. You will serve this world better than could ever be hoped for if you fulfill your life as God ordained it to be. No matter how petty your niche may seem, we’re all woven together in this master scheme, God has placed the desires of your heart there and it is your job to seek them out and fulfill them. Encourage one another in your works, and be swift to cut fruitless branches down for they will only poison the rest of the vine withering us all away.

October 21, 2008

It’s time to step up, it’s time to throw down

(Just a forewarning if you are a Catholic, or Lutheran who has accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior this message isn’t meant to belittle that belief of yours.?‚?  Rather it is intended to strengthen your relationship with Christ by realizing the downfalls, and weaknesses of being a part of a religion rather than simply living in a relationship with Christ, The Father, and The Holy Spirit.)

I am so in a crushing mood right now.?‚?  I talked with Rose last night, and we were going over the idea of me going to her church.?‚?  It’s kind of necessary since I’ll be going to her Grandma’s for Thanksgiving, and well… I’ve never been to a Lutheran Church before so it’ll be nice to know what to expect.?‚?  Alright so I was a little bit creaped out by the in unison prayer at her step grandma’s birthday… but I can deal with the rituals, oddities, and hypocrisies… as an old pastor I used to have would say all the time when confronted with people who wouldn’t go to church because it’s full of hypocrites he’d simply reply “There’s always room for one more.” because let’s face it as humans we’re all hypocrites.

The exclusivities of both the Catholic religion and the Lutheran religion get to me though… That’s not what Christ taught at all.?‚?  Christ came for the least, the lost, and the lonely… not the high and mighty who have it all figured out.?‚?  I never really questioned the authenticity of Rose’s families belief in Christ before, I mean there were some things I heard that didn’t sound very Christian… but we all have those moments.?‚?  There was a statement that slightly worries me from her Grandma about me coming to church with them though.?‚?  She had a simple statement… just as a friendly reminder that because I haven’t been instructed in the ways of the Lutheran I was not allowed to partake in communion.?‚?  It’s honestly not that big of a deal… except that it is, because that statement shows the state of her heart.?‚?  That statement shows that she does not believe I could have possibly come across the teachings of Christ, because I’m not a part of the “cool” kids club at the Lutheran Religion.

I’ve bitched about the Catholic’s a lot, and generally associated them as worse than the Lutheran’s when it comes to skewing and screwing over the words of the Bible.?‚?  But I’m no longer sure if either one of them is really worse than the other, right now they’re about on the same level to me.?‚?  What worries me most is that a most of them actually believe that they can get to heaven with these attitudes.?‚?  Not saying that you can’t get to heaven with an attitude, but they believe that their attitude of exclusivity, and Lutheran raising alone will get them to heaven.

In fact there was one day that Jesus was preaching against these teachings.?‚?  He spent an entire day explaining to a group of Jewish men, and religious leaders the danger & folly of this type of attitude.?‚?  I’m not sure if he ever got the point across to them. As bad as it sounds there’s a part of me that hopes he did get his message across.?‚?  Yet there is also this burning desire to watch these types of people get crushed beyond repair by their attitude, as I stand back with a silly smirk saying I told you so.

The latter of those two is not what Jesus wanted out of his preachings… so even though he knew he would be spit upon, kicked, trampled, and eventually killed he still came for the least, the lost, and the lonely.?‚?  He came to save anyone who would accept him.?‚?  Now granted I’m not like a Wiccan who believes that all religions lead to the same…?‚?  well… I actually kind of am like a Wiccan in the idea that ALL religions do lead the same place… hell.?‚?  100% of all religions, no matter who you’re worshiping will lead you straight to hell, with veiled eyes, and candied promises.?‚?  Jesus said I am THE way, THE truth, and THE life no one gets to the Father except through me.?‚?  No one gets to the Father without a RELATIONSHIP with Jesus Christ, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit.

A little background history before we get into Jesus’ message that day when he was talking to the Jewish men and religious leaders I spoke of earlier.?‚?  First off you must understand the Jewish culture if you don’t already.?‚?  It had been several hundred years (I believe it’s somewhere around 800 but don’t take my word for it I haven’t fact checked that date yet) since the promise was made that they would be given a messiah who would rule over the whole world.?‚?  The Jews were the promised people of God, from Abraham they had multiplied and become a mighty nation.?‚?  Twice they were taken away from their homeland forced into slavery once by the Egyptians, and I think the other time was by their hated neighbors the Palestinians (once again I’m terrible with names, so check for yourself, feel free to correct me if I’m wrong).?‚?  Both times they were freed miraculously by their God.?‚?  Upon returning the second time some of them mixed with the Palestinians and were outcast as the Samaritans.?‚?  The Palestinians were also descendants of Abraham, although considered to be outcast because they were of the sinful first son of Abraham’s, although both Palestinians, and Samaritans were of decent of Abraham they were not considered to be a part of the promise God made.?‚?  Living between the two countries the Jews believed themselves to be superior to everyone else and grew very hard in their ways.

God gave just one rule to man when he first created Adam and Eve.?‚?  By the time Moses rescued the Jews out of Egypt he gave them ten rules to follow.?‚?  By the time Jesus comes on the scene there are more than three thousand rules thought to be of God, governing the lives of the Jews.?‚?  There were religious leaders who reliced themselves on studying and following these rules to a T.?‚?  These are the men Jesus was talking to.?‚?  He came to explain to them that the rules were not there to give salvation, but rather show our imperfection and how much we needed Him.?‚?  We couldn’t follow one rule, we had all ten commandments broken the night they were given to us before Moses walked off the mountain, there sure as heck is no way anyone could follow all three thousand rules the Jews had at Jesus time.

There is no way to really reason with these kinds of people so Jesus simply told a series of parables to show them how they were taking God’s teachings vastly out of proportion.?‚?  There are two stories that I love from that day.?‚?  One of a farmer, the other has been named the “Prodigal Son” ironically enough the story is not truly about this “prodigal” son.?‚?  Don’t get me wrong I love the teachings of the prodigal son, it gives hope to all of us, because we have all rejected God and must return to him to join in the feast.

Anyways, the first story is about a farmer who is scattering seed.?‚?  He scatters seed across his farm, some lands on the good soil grows producing a crop, other seed lands among the thorns and gets choked out, some lands among the rocks shoots up quick and soon withers with the heat, and yet still more lands on the road packed hard from years of use and the seed is grabbed up by the birds.?‚?  This story is of course not about farming.?‚?  It is about peoples heart, some people have a soft heart open to the Lords teachings and they will flourish.?‚?  Some have hearts full of junk from this world which will choke out the teachings of our Lord.?‚?  Others have quick hearts, eager, and willing but they will soon wither as they have no substance in their life.?‚?  And of course some have hard hearts that will not hear the words of the Lord and their fruit will be stolen by Satan before it even has time to sprout in their life.?‚?  Of course the hardened heart could refer to the Wiccan or Pagan who refuses to hear the words of the Lord.?‚?  I personally believe this is a message to all types of believers though, the hardened heart represents those who have been in the system for their entire lives (much like the Jews) those who believe that they are accepted by default.?‚?  They don’t need to grow or learn because they already know it all.

The other story I love is about a man with two sons.?‚?  One of them decides that he no longer wants to be the mans son, spits in his face, takes all his inheritance and leaves to make his own life.?‚?  He’s sick of the rules, he’s sick of the chores, he wants to do things his own way.?‚?  He picks up and heads out to have a good time.?‚?  It’s all good and fine tons of fun, tons of friends, tons of booze, drugs, sex nothing could be better.?‚?  Until one day he runs out of money, he runs out of friends, he runs out of alcohol, there’s no where to turn for comfort… and all the fun has run out.?‚?  He takes up a job making mere pennies a day taking care of and living with filthy, disgusting pigs.?‚?  After a while of this he is finally so hungry that he longs to fill his stomach with the left over slop that the pigs eat, drool on, piss, and defecate in.?‚?  It’s at this low point that he comes to his senses and realizes that even his fathers servants have a better life than he does right now.?‚?  He comes up with a huge speal about how he’s sinned against heaven and he’s sinned against his father, he does not desire to be called his son any more, but to be a servant among his house is all he desires.?‚?  Now a long way off from his fathers house the son is getting nervous, he’s practicing his speech, rehearsing everything he must say.?‚?  He sees someone coming at him rapidly, closing his eyes just hopping for repentance he goes over his speech one more time with just the right words maybe his father will forgive him.?‚?  Tired, hungry, dirty, and nervous beyond belief the young man looks up to see his father approaching very fast.?‚?  Before his father gets to him, he begins in on his speech “Father I’ve sinned against you, and I’ve sinned aga…” he gets tackled, kissed, and cried on by his father.?‚?  His father takes off his own robe and puts it on the boy sticks his ring on his finger and tells the servants to begin the feast!?‚?  His son who was dead has returned to life!

That’s where we like to leave off with the story isn’t it??‚?  It’s truly a beautiful thing… And I wish that was the end of the story.?‚?  Everybody is happy, everybody takes part in the good and beautiful things that the father has to offer.?‚?  But there is another son… one standing outside the dining hall on the steps, above everyone else he whines to his father “I’ve slaved for you for years, done everything as you’ve told me exactly like you told me to and you’ve never thrown a feast for me.?‚?  Yet this person spat in your face, he squandered his inheritance, he lived with swines… you killed the fattened calf for him, and treat him like a son.” to which the father replies “Son, please, all that I have is yours, it has always been yours.?‚?  Come and join in my happiness, my son that was dead is alive again.” the son says nothing more… and never joins the dinner party.?‚?  He can’t take it that his fathers love is so vast, so graceful, so amazing that it would extend even beyond betrayal.

Having things such as closed communion to those not a part of the right religion says the same thing that the other son was saying.?‚?  It says that Jesus’ sacrifice alone is not enough, it says that his grace shouldn’t extend to everyone, it says “I’ve served you all my life, followed all of your rules, added to your bounty.?‚?  Not once have you killed the fattened calf for me, not once have you thrown a feast in honor of my work on your behalf.”?‚?  It does not say “I love my Lord God with all my heart, mind, and soul.?‚?  And I love my neighbors as myself.”

In fact when Jesus was confronted about this exact issue and asked “What is the greatest commandment?” he replied with those words about love being greater than any command.?‚?  They then pressed as to whom their neighbors were.?‚?  He told another parable at that time about a man who was robbed and beaten left for dead on the road side.?‚?  A priest came by, leaving him where he lie.?‚?  A levite came also crossing to the other side of the road to avoid him.?‚?  Then came a Sammiritan who picked the man up, bandaged his wounds, and took him to an Inn giving the Inn keeper money to care for the man until he returned and if he needed more money at that time he would give it to him.?‚?  They were then asked who this mans neighbor was.?‚?  With gritted teeth, and shame in their eyes they replied that the Sammiritan their hated breatheren was the neighborly one to this man.?‚?  Jesus simply replied to them “Yes, now go and do likewise.” I see the behavior much like the priest, and Levite in both the Catholic, and Lutheran religions.?‚?  The Lutheran church broke away from Catholicism when no one, not even the government would stand up to the Catholic religion, but they got caught and have become exactly like the Catholics that they despise so much.

October 11, 2008

Church in a theatre

The closest thing I’ve come to doing church in a theatre would be a toss up between the many times that I’ve gone to the movies with various youth groups, and attending church at my old high school’s theatre.?‚?  I know it’s not a movie theatre, but it is a little bit different… especially since I was in Drama for so long being back in the theatre was refreshing, brought back a lot of old memories.

None of this is very odd to me since I’m a strong believer in the idea that you can do church, and really should DO church everywhere. We’re not talking about some building, church is about the people because Jesus was about the people. We call ourselves Christ Followers or Christians yet we often forget that Christ didn’t have the comforts of a nice “church” building to preach in, nor would he ever pass up the opportunity to stop and do church with the least, the lost, and the lonely along his journey’s.

If you’re not into the “traditional church” (which is non-traditional in my mind since it doesn’t come from the source of Church. Church is God’s idea, and he started it in the fields and along the streets not in some rusty old building) then you really should check out the first-ever inaugural Theatre Church Conference in Silver Spring, MD on October 22 & 23

Don’t be afraid to Find out more. Who knows you just might end up liking it ;-)

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July 6, 2008

Holly’s Fund - and the story behind it

These are the words of my mother for the site HollysFund.com:

Hi! I’m Heather Sortore. I have known Holly for 5 years. I do Physical Therapy on some of the residents were Holly works. Holly is a med tech with a great deal of responsibility on her job. It is also very physically demanding. she gives residents baths, passes medication, dresses people, undresses people, cleans them up, makes beds, and serves meals. She goes above and beyond the call of duty to help her residents. She loves them all. Holly is a good , hard working woman.

Holly Fannin is also my friend. when I found out she had stage 3 breast cancer my heart went out to her. Holly is a gentle easy going woman that lives on a very modest income. She lives in a trailer with her twin sons that just graduated from high school. The assisted living facility she works for recently sold after she has worked there for eight years. Holly lost 3 weeks of paid vacation. She now has no vacation time and will start chemotherapy treatments after the cancer has been removed from her breast. She is going to try and work during her chemo. She could not afford health insurance since she lives on an income below the poverty level. Even though she frequently works double shifts and many long hours. My friend has had a run of very bad luck.

However, I am convinced God wants me and my son Cody to do what we can to help her. Cody is talented in creating websites so I asked him if he could make a website for Holly. Cody graciously agreed. I thought if enough people see her website and start to pray for healing, financial relief, and God’s grace maybe God would see fit to hear our prayers for Holly. Then I was reminded of the scripture Matthew 18:19 & 20 which says, ???‚¬?“Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.???‚¬?? So please pray with me for Holly and her family. Let’s see God’s mighty hand move on her life.

Holly is a humble woman and when I told her about me and Cody’s plan. She said, ???‚¬?“she did not want to burden people with her problems.???‚¬?? I reminded her that we are supposed to carry each others burdens. I said people like to help each other and if enough people gave her even a dollar she might be able to get the rest her body needs while recuperating. She might be able to pay some of her hospital bills. Holly agreed it would not be a bad idea and Mike which was working with her on Independence Day said it would not hurt to let as many people as possible know about her situation.

If God lays it on your heart to pray for Holly, Please Pray. If God lays it on your heart to give to Holly then give as God has blessed You. Thank you for being God’s servant in whatever way possible.
God Bless,
Heather Sortore

I actually wrote the whole site in PHP for a few reasons, 1) obviously so that I could easily edit the pages without opening Vi in SSH, or using FTP to upload and download pages, just go to their edit page online and update them. and 2) if the site is a success I would like to move it over to allowing others in need to create their own donation pages so that they too can get help.?‚?  I know the community of people online, I’ve worked online for a long time and I’ve seen their generosity, show that generosity to a stranger and lift her up in your prayers, in sharing her story, in donating to her cause.?‚?  In the Gospel of Mark there’s a story of a paralyzed man who couldn’t go see Jesus where he was teaching, but four of his friends carried him, cut a hole in the roof and lowered him down to Jesus… because of the faith of his friends he was healed.?‚?  Will you be that friend to Holly?

June 9, 2008

Atlantis the location of the tower of babel?

Rose and I saw the 10,000 BC the other night, and it reminded me of a theory I’ve heard a few times, but as most people have done didn’t put much credit into it.?‚?  The theory is that when Atlantis sunk or was destroyed or whatever the inhabitants escaped, mostly to Egypt, a few to South America, and some others scattered elsewhere.?‚?  Where you really lose me on that whole theory is that most of the scholars who promote such ideals also say that the inhabitants of Atlantis were of humanoid alien decent… What I don’t find completely impossible is that the stories, and myths of Atlantis may be based on fact.?‚?  Even supported by biblical stories, which is where the tower of babel comes in on my way out there theory.

Ok, so let’s start with the story itself from chapter 11 of Genisis:

1 At this time the whole world spoke one language, and everyone used the same words.2 As people moved from the east, they found a plain in the land of Babylonia and settled there.

3 They said to each other, “Let’s make bricks and bake them to make them hard.” So they used bricks instead of stones, and tar instead of mortar.4 Then they said to each other, “Let’s build a city and a tower for ourselves, whose top will reach high into the sky. We will become famous. Then we will not be scattered over all the earth.”

5 The Lord came down to see the city and the tower that the people had built.6 The Lord said, “Now, these people are united, all speaking the same language. This is only the beginning of what they will do. They will be able to do anything they want.7 Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not be able to understand each other.”

8 So the Lord scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city.9 The place is called Babel since that is where the Lord confused the language of the whole world. So the Lord caused them to spread out from there over the whole world.

This doesn’t speak of exactly how advanced they had become… or what means they were using to build with but what we do see is an amazing statement from God as pointed out to me by Adam Gray “They will be able to do anything they want.“?‚?  They must of been rather advanced in what they were doing to warrant such a statement, or at least developing quickly.?‚?  Even the Romans had steam engines, it wasn’t for over a thousand years later that steam engines actually came about in real usage, but archeology has shown that the Romans were using steam engines in their time.?‚?  The technology was lost because slaves were much cheaper and more widely usable, and shortly after the Roman collapse you get the dark ages.?‚?  So why couldn’t the same of happened after the tower of babel??‚?  Because of this it seems logical to me that much of the stories and myths behind the city of Atlantis could be true, based on the Babylonian city where the Tower of Babel was being constructed.?‚?  When it says that God confused their language it also says that he forced them to spread throughout the earth.?‚?  This kind of makes me wonder if there wasn’t a time when the earth did have one large land mass where everyone lived for a time.?‚?  Similar to what some would say Pangea was (which is also completely possible since the continents do fit together like a giant jig saw puzzle) but moved apart rapidly by God when confusing the people.?‚?  It would help to explain why we get several different buildings of Pyramids around the world about the same time.?‚?  Maybe they were trying to finish what they set out to do in the first place, building towers to the heavens… it has been said that both the Egyptian pyramids, and the Aztec pyramids were built to honor their gods… I don’t know for sure, nor do I have any real proof or scholarly writings that support my theories, they’re just random weird theories that I have.

May 31, 2008

Go Kieffe & Sons!

Finally a business bold enough to show that they don’t put the all mighty dollar before everything else! At Kieffe and Sons Ford they believe more in a good strong moral value than the dollar value. Recently in southern California a radio ad has been running for Kieffe & Sons Ford. We’ve been laying down and letting the minority rule on issues of feminism, and religion for too long! I agree with Kieffe and Sons when they say “sit down and shut up”

Did you know that there are people in this country who want prayer out of schools, “Under God” out of the Pledge, and “In God We Trust” to be taken off our money?

But did you know that 86% of Americans say they believe in God? Now, since we all know that 86 out of every 100 of us are Christians who believe in God, we at Kieffe & Sons Ford wonder why we don’t just tell the other 14% to sit down and shut up. I guess maybe I just offended 14% of the people who are listening to this message. Well, if that is the case, then I say that’s tough, this is America folks, it’s called free speech. And none of us at Kieffe & Sons Ford are afraid to speak up. Kieffe & Sons Ford on Sierra Highway in Mojave and Rosamond: if we don’t see you today, by the grace of God, we’ll be here tomorrow.

May 3, 2008

The joys of being me

I hate it when I don’t know what I feel… and generally when I’m like that I go straight here and blog about it to sort things out and understand myself a little better.?‚?  I’ve been in a bit of a rut lately and I have absolutely no clue what to do… Simply writing this my mind instantly goes to the question “In what do you put your trust?”?‚?  Which will make more sense once I start explaining my conundrum.?‚?  Ok, so I honest to goodness love coding… Websites is what I really know, specifically PHP but I love expanding that knowledge base of codes and working with them.?‚?  Even (and call me crazy) but I really, really enjoy debugging a script… When I put up a new site and it comes up blank, or there are errors coming out the yin yang you’ll see me light up as I stick a CD in the player and start opening 3 or 4 different browsers, my SSH program, FTP, and start pulling up pages and pages of code in GoLive CS2.?‚?  I know I’m not going to be leaving that spot (not to eat, to sleep, or anything) for the next 15-20 hours (generally if it’s multiple problems with PHP configuration on the server, and in the code).?‚?  I love delving into the endless task of creating better code… but I can’t do it right now with MTV and I really don’t know why.

There are a few problems I have with my job… first off being that the majority of the sites I work on are done in Ruby on Rails I don’t have the slightest clue as to what Ruby looks like on the code level, or it’s capabilities.?‚?  It is a programing language which generally speaking means the limits are your imagination and knowledge of how things work… and they have some people working on the code that really know what they’re doing so I can tell them to do whatever I want and they’ll get it done… The problem is I’m only a small portion of the process.?‚?  When a new site is launched I generally come in and do my run through testing out every aspect of the site possible and giving my report on what went wrong, what I thought didn’t fit, errors I got, etc.?‚?  Which is fine, and I know it’s a necessary part of the equation… just after so long I start seeing the same site over and over.?‚?  I don’t easily get distracted by the visuals of a site, I see it for what it is on a code, and functionality level.?‚?  I can find flaws, flukes, and annoyances with any website… but what’s the point if I can’t sit down with the designer of the site and say “ok, why did you choose to do things this way?”?‚?  Sometimes “problems” that I find with sites really aren’t problems at all they just annoy me, so I’ve got to tell some guy to change his work because I don’t understand why he did something one way.

Sometimes I think my boss puts up with me only because he feels the same way as I do about how fast sites are kicked out from MTV, and how unoriginal they are.?‚?  I only know that because of what he said to me when he called me back after several months of doing nothing with them.

So here’s my conundrum.?‚?  I like what I do for MTV sometimes, when there’s something new to be done… I also get paid fairly well for working with them, especially seeing as I make more money than most of my friends.?‚?  I need the money for rent, the server I just rented, getting my car legal, my motherboard is dying on me slowly… it never was very great it was a cheap $75 motherboard that was only supposed to be for a few months till I could get a good Asus board that never happened… But I can’t for the life of me get the motivation to do my job with them.?‚?  I look at the emails from them, I know the tasks that I have before me and I just stare at them and can’t bring myself to even begin to think about doing them.?‚?  I would much rather be coding the new site agapebeacon.com which is a huge task… I’ve got a good months worth of work ahead of me for that if it was the only thing I was doing… the problem comes in the fact that I’m not very good at multi-tasking.?‚?  That’s sort of a lie I work with 20 different programs at once to accomplish a task on a regular basis, but I’m very linear I do one thing at a time.?‚?  If I’m working on agape I’m working on that, if I’m working for MTV I’m working for them… I can’t do both at once, I mean I could easily do both at once it’d be more efficient, I just can’t do it.?‚?  So the problem comes in this… I want… or more so need to build this website, I would have to say that it’s something that I was born for, and as the last several posts of mine have said every moment in my life has lead up to this point, which will in turn lead up to another point, and so on and so forth… The problem comes in the fact that I “need” the job with MTV, without it I’m not making any money, but with it I’m not making any progress on this site.?‚?  I can’t keep working 5-10 hours a week with MTV they won’t put up with it forever… or maybe they will I haven’t talked to them yet.?‚?  I also don’t really want to quit working for them… as I said I like the job… I just wish I could work it when I needed to, kinda sorta felt like it you know??‚?  Which also BTW doesn’t generally work out so well.?‚?  They have me on board because I pay attention to details, and when I go to do something I get it done right… I’m not really the fastest person at this stuff, and would say I’m pretty slow sometimes… so that can’t be what they like about me… but they’ve gotta like me because they put up with my eccentricities, which is a lot.?‚?  I’m not exactly sure what to do because I’m afraid if I go to them and ask to work like every other week so I could do their stuff and my stuff they might finally be like “you know what, don’t bother we’ll find someone else.”?‚?  then a part of me would be glad because I could focus on my projects… only then I’d have no money and it wouldn’t matter because I’d lose my server and my sites.?‚?  Which then goes back to the beginning and my question “what do you put your trust in?”?‚?  I’ve been in situations like this a million times before… often choosing to do my own thing where there is absolutely no glimpse of hope for making money and God has always taken care of me…

I don’t know, I’m just rambling on… I don’t suspect I’ll get any answers from this, or really expect much of a response from anyone I just had to put it down in writing before I lost my mind thinking about it :-P

April 22, 2008

New Site Beginnings

Ok, I wanted to run this past all my Facebook friends first before doing something rash like actually buying anything :-P?‚?  So the “Christian Facebook” as I’ve deemed it for now is taking shape!?‚?  I mean it really is… Instead of being foolhardy and attempting to code the thing from the ground up with PHP and MySQL I’ve decided to take a little help.?‚?  I’ve enlisted the help of a rapid development framework!?‚?  The site is still “PHP” so to speak, but my side isn’t very much PHP unless I’m defining a new object that isn’t included in the framework.?‚?  It’s object oriented which means I use objects instead of PHP… it’s actually much faster too.?‚?  Problem is it’s new to me, so there is a bit of a learning curve as might be expected… not to mention I’m using the beta version of the development framework I’m working with because it has all sorts of necessary features, functions, and doodads that aren’t available in the stable version… also they change a large number of the objects so the stable versions documentation is no help at all… and the Beta’s documentation is just starting to come together.?‚?  So try and learn a new programming language with no real help… Never the less the site is still coming together very nicely!

In fact things are developing so fast that it’s time to start thinking about what the site should be or look like.?‚?  What I need from you guys is your opinions on these matters:

  1. Profiles - I was thinking StumbleUpon esque, very simple, not the main feature of the site.?‚?  But would like to know if you guys would prefer them more robust like with MySpace or Facebook.?‚?  Of course you’d still be able to customize everything the other way but it’d be limited to only a few photos, preferences, etc.?‚?  (check out http://archmaille.stumbleupon.com/ for more details on what it might look like, plus a signature wall for your friends, 5-10 photos instead of 1)
  2. name of site - I’ve been racking my brain and praying about this… I wanted something that sounded ancient (me??‚?  ancient??‚?  No way) Kind of wanted something to show like old forum type of thing you know??‚?  Because that’s the main purpose of the site to gather Christians together.?‚?  Then I started thinking lighthouse, or beacon… finally came up with “AgapeBeacon.com”?‚?  (oh, and another thing is it has to be available, things like GodSpace.com and everything went through my mind, the owners of the site aren’t using it, but want like $2k for me to buy the domain from the, I can’t afford that).?‚?  AgapeBeacon.com is available but wanted to see everyones reaction to it before getting it.
  3. Niche - Ok, so yeah, I was thinking social networking all along… but not necessarily Facebook, MySpace type of site.?‚?  The main thing I was going for was the discussion board.?‚?  A place where Christians can go to find sound advice about life.?‚?  I have a lot of ideas and things set in motion for the discussion board… but how do you guys feel about that.?‚?  Is a massive forum really what is needed??‚?  Or something different.?‚?  Forum is sort of underplaying the functionality of the site since it will be much MUCH more than maybe what you guys would think of as an online “forum” like PHPBB or whatever.?‚?  I mean for starters much more in depth personal profiles, networks, and calendars to help organize off site events.

Thoughts feelings suggestions??‚?  I was kind of lucky, as I am with my job anyways to only work 1 hour with MTV.?‚?  Of course I could of worked more if I called them and said “Hey I’m out of work send me more!”?‚?  But I appreciated the time to fiddle with and learn the new framework.?‚?  I’m going to be doing much more work with MTV this week, and every week preceding of course.?‚?  I’m going to need the money as I’m actually going to rent a server for this site (hoping for over 10k users, maybe into the 100k range some day and that can’t be done on a shared hosting plan.?‚?  Yeah sure I get over 2,000 visitors to all my sites combined on a daily basis, but it’s not the same thing).?‚?  I also will need the knowledge.?‚?  That’s one thing that has been amazing about working with MTV, I’ve learned SOOO freaking much!?‚?  They’re always like “hey can you do this?”?‚?  And I’m like “Yeah sure no problem!”?‚?  Come to find out it usually is if it’s off my usual path of interest.?‚?  But I get the opportunity to research and learn new things.?‚?  Oh, and also development with the site will be slower… we’re talking one month or so before I have something you guys can all jump into and check out.

April 21, 2008

Lifehouse Everything skit

Lifehouse’s Everything Skit

Katie just showed this to me… and I loves it! Watched it like 10 times so far and cried every time… Even though we cannot defeat our own sins and make it back to God on our own will he is willing to step in the gap and take on our sins to defeat them, and death for us so that we can be with him.

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